We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
