She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
