I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize