My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
