You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
