I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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