Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize