Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
