There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
