Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
