Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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