Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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