I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
