I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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