I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
