I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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