I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
