You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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