Don't make out with my wife yet
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
