I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
