she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
