she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
