It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
