You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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