To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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