It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
