no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
