It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
