I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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