Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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