You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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