This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
