when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
