Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
