some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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