i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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