Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
