i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize