I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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