somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
