I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
