then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
