How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
