She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
