Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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