Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
