hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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