ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
