She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Small penises have feelings too.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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