Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
