I hate your face
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
