bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
