You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
