God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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