He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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