Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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