i think my tv is drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
