I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
