I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
