haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
