I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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