I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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