When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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