i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
