I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
