Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
