Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
