what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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