a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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