Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
