I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
