u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
