marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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