Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
