I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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