I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
