when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize