Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize