I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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