i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
