New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
