i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
