I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
