my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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