Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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