There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
