my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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