my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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