Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
