Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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