her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
