is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
