Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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