jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
