you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize