Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
