I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
