And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
